Bare Kitten

Probably one of the most repulsive comments that I get is that I’m such a pretty light-skinned girl. What the fuck does that have to do with my bone structure, the shape of my face, my eyes, my lips or my body? Absolutely nothing. I know I never show my entire body so let me describe myself. I’m 5’7, 155ish lbs, I have shoulder length auburn hair and hazelish eyes (they’re mostly brown but there’s some green in there). So unfortunately, I am favored by some men for my appearance. When I say appearance I don’t mean beauty, I mean my likeness to what is considered beautiful in mainstream America.

I’ve heard men say things like “I don’t date dark-skinned girls” or “I usually date white girls, but you are pretty light so its ok”. Want to know what my response is to comments like this? If you know me, you probably guessed right, yup, its FUCK OFF!!!. I know people have been conditioned into a manichean mind-frame, where they believe that light is better or more favorable  but I would like to think that we know better now and can make progress towards changing that.

I’m not saying that you can’t have your preference, everyone does. My personal preference is for brown or dark-skinned men, but to be honest if your hot, cool, and can make me laugh I don’t give a shit what color your skin is, we can get it in. I have dated men of all races. What I have a problem with is people not only having this preference but broadcasting it and demeaning those who do not fit their criteria.

The Dark Skin Vs. Light Skin battle has been going on longer than probably most of us can remember. I hear all kinds of foul shit about both sides that hurts my soul. It is not only ignorant, but shameful and not to mention stupid. Really, light or dark? What happened to the folks in the middle? Did you miss the fact that there are approximately 36 shades of black? (I think I might be #.05 on that scale, but that’s not relevant here).

Another problem I have is when this hued thinking translates into the bedroom. I’ve had black men treat me as if I were not black while we were having sex. Let me explain. They pull my hair and say things like damn girl you got such good hair. Or better yet, they will say things like ” do you like the Black dick baby” um jackass, that’s what I’m used to so what the fuck is your point. Although my race can be ambiguous at best, I’ve always made it clear to people who I am involved with so to assume that I am anything other than what I am or to treat me differently is abhorrent at best.

Personally when it comes to women, I also prefer brown/dark-skinned women. Don’t get me wrong, if it’s the right girl, no matter what her race their’s a good chance my head will turn for a second glance. What I cannot stand is hearing black men and others speak negatively of dark-skinned women. It particularly pains me to hear this coming from another black person. I mean if we don’t love ourselves, who will? Like I said, you may have your preference, but you can do so without denigrating others.

I’m not ignorant in believing that this will change the way anyone thinks, but maybe it will make you think differently or be mindful of words that you have said that might have been hurtful to others.

This book has inspired my thinking on the subject. I encourage you to read it if this article peaked your interest: http://www.amazon.com/Manichean-Psychology-Racism-African-Descent/dp/0882582038

I don’t know about you guys but I get really annoyed when I see chicks throw themselves at a dude. I just think it is the tackiest shit in the world. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asserting one’s independence and expressing your feelings but let’s be real, some broads throw the pussy at dudes. I wish some women could hear what I hear from my guy friends when they tell me how unattractive that is.

Like I said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with stating what you want. I am very guilty of this. When I see something I want, I go for it. However, I do have a little thing that some girls lack and that’s called dignity. Maybe I am old-fashioned but randomly throwing your pussy at a guy in my opinion is shameful.

I’m old-school. So much so that I don’t even call boys. If you want me, and I want you, you know how to find me. Maybe it’s not so much being old-school as it is being respectful of that person’s time and circumstances. There is nothing wrong with letting someone know how you feel about them, but some women take it to the extreme. If someone really wants to be with you they will make that effort which of course you should reciprocate.

What ever happened to acting like a lady? Go ahead and roll your eyes. Who the fuck am I to be telling anyone to act like a lady, right? Seriously, most men like that. Now when you get behind closed doors, go ahead, rip off his clothes, swing from the chandelier, and do whatever the fuck you please. Wave that freak flag, but be discreet about it.

Honestly, if you walked past me on the street, you might give me a second look but you wouldn’t have any clue that I am Bare Kitten. It would probably take some convincing to prove who I am. The reason for that is that I not only try to behave like a lady, but I dress like one too. Thirst isn’t just about being overly aggressive, it’s about how you present yourself. I believe a woman should be able to wear whatever she wants, but that she should also take into consideration the attention that she will be getting and if it is indeed the kind she wants.

I purposely hide my 38D”s because they get a lot of attention that I do not want. It’s actually annoying to me to watch people fuss over them. Really the only person I want fussing over my boobs is one that is going to be playing with them. There’s no free show here people, if you want to see the fun bags or if you want to know why they call me Bare Kitten, you gotta put in some work.

All this being said, guys aren’t off the hook here. I see dudes waving their dick like it’s a fishing rod and their waiting for a bite (well maybe a nibble, but you know what I mean). Some guys are just relentless and don’t know when to quit. I don’t know about other women, but if you come to me and tell me what you want, I will respect that a lot more than constant flirting. And for the love of all that is holy, if a girl says no, please just move on. You are wasting your time and hers.

I know that times have changed and that both men and women are a bit more aggressive nowadays, but you have to maintain your self-respect. By all means, if there is someone who you want, respectfully pursue that person. However, if you aren’t getting back what you are putting into it then back off. There’s no need to throw yourself at someone, especially if they aren’t trying to catch you.

One has to wonder what on earth would possess a young Black woman to show her vagina on twitter, clap her ass for mainstream urban media websites, or say have an entire website dedicated to her checkered sexual past (yes, the last one is about me!). This has perplexed me since I was a teenager. I remember watching music videos and thinking how could these girls behave this way. I do believe that the majority of the responsibility for this type of behavior lies within the individual. However, I also believe, as do others that we are not wholly to blame for our self-degrading sexual behavior.

We have been the victims of some ugly stereotypes. From being “loud” or “ghetto” to “uneducated” and “sexually undesirable”. Could the typecast of being “sexually undesirable” be responsible for the surge in flagrant sexual over-expression? This is a serious question to be considered. But first we must look into why we have been classified as “sexually undesirable” in the eyes of society.

The idea that an African-American female is sexually undesirable comes from slavery. Black females were taken on a whim by their masters and raped while Caucasian females were held in the highest of regard. Caucasian females were considered “untouchable” by anyone other than white males and were thought of as pure and chaste. So technically speaking, the sexual demonization of the Black female began during the days of slavery.

Lets fast forward 500 or so years to the modern day. How did we get to the point where we are now? Surely we cannot continue to blame slavery. Actually yes, we can. However, along with slavery we must also assign some of the blame to Black males but then we must immediately discount said blame. Allow me to clarify. If we were sexually dehumanized during slavery, Black men were witness to this dehumanization and the concurring reverence of the Caucasian female. So to simplify, if you are taught that Black females have no sexual value you begin to believe that no matter how contradictory that thought may be in your mind. Black men were also sexually demonized during slavery so to ask them to hold a different perspective when they too were persecuted is not only unfair but unreasonable.

Not only are we allowed to blame slavery, but the media plays a major part in our self-image. I have felt grossly misrepresented in the media from the time I was able to comprehend film, television, etc. We have been “told” that our hair should be straighter, longer, our skin lighter, that we are too fat and a plethora of other self-esteem withering criticisms. We have, with the exception of an enlightened few, attempted to conform to mainstreams idea of beauty as we have always been and continue to be told that we are not beautiful in the eyes of the societal beholder.

Now that I blamed media, here comes the next thought that would most likely pop into one’s head. It is the voice of our generation, yes, I am referring to hip hop. It is very easy to blame rappers and say that they are the ones responsible for the exploitation of young black females. That it is the very culture of hip hop that degrades our women. While I have felt at times that some rappers have taken it a bit too far, we must consider one very important fact. It is strictly entertainment. We tend to take hip hop music more seriously as it is based more in reality than fantasy, but it is an art form and not the voice of our entire culture. It is meant for you to dance or nod your head to, not to make generalizations about a group of people based on a few lyrics.

In my opinion, the egregious displays of sexuality on the part of Black females are attempts to over-compensate for a damaged public image, sort of a hyper-aggressive public relations campaign. We (well maybe some of us) want to show the world that yes, we are desirable and that contrary to what you have been taught all these years we are attractive in every way. While I have no problem with sexual expression, I do think that it needs to be done in a way in which the exhibitor retains their own self-respect. For example, I write, and I will on occasion attempt to make a more personal connection with my audience by sharing revealing photos. I understand that my behavior may be questionable, however,I feel no loss of respect or dignity. There are certain things I will never share publicly as that is where I hold on to my self-respect.

I am not setting a standard of self-expression, I believe that it is what that individual is comfortable with. I do feel that some women and unfortunately more recently teenage girls do push the limit of expression to the point of perversion and demeaning sexual behavior. I feel as though this is done as a result of low self-esteem and a general need for acceptance. I hate to judge anyone, but my sentiments are not so much a judgment as they are an attempt to understand the reason(s) guiding that behavior.

I am not here to tell anyone how they should behave. You know the saying that what you do behind closed doors is your business. However, we have come to a point in society where we have used technology to pull the eyes of the willing world behind that closed door with us as we engage in intimate behavior or thoughts. I simply saw a problem and wanted to really give some thought to its cause. I will be the first to tell you that I am not perfect and in no way think that I am any better or worse than anyone else but I do believe that I have been affected by some of the influences I mentioned. However, this does not free me from personal responsibility. My sexual experiences are on display for the entire world to see and that was something that I had to make a conscious decision to do. I do feel a bit more responsible for my behavior as I am able to reflect on the potential causes for such behavior. It feels a bit like a personal tug of war. Trying to rise above the stereotypes while maintaining the highest level of dignity and self-respect. While I always say that the point of my musings is to entertain, the fact remains that they are based entirely on my true life stories.

The next time that you see a Black female engaging in what appears to be questionable sexual behavior, instead of instantly passing judgment, try to understand what may have influenced her to engage in that behavior. I am not saying that this behavior is right, I am personally trying to be more understanding of its underlying cause(s) and would hope that you would also.

© The Bare Kitten, 2011