A Ladies Guide to Sucking Dick

May 7, 2012 § 3 Comments

Now there are some things that every young lady must know about the art of fellatio. And who better to tell you than the lovely Bare Kitten! So grab a pen and paper, bookmark this shit, download it, favorite it, memorize the holy fuck out this bitch because I’m about to tell you how to become a master at this art.

1. No two dicks are the same: What you do to one, you cannot do to all. Not all men like the same style of fellatio. Some prefer hard and fast while others are partial to slow and steady. Treating each dick like the last is a fatal error. Find out what he likes and accommodate him.

2. If you don’t feel like it, don’t do it: STOP! Right now. Call any guy you know and ask him if he likes a rushed or un-enthusiastic blowie. I would bet you my entire collection of sex toys that the answer is an emphatic NO! If you don’t feel like sucking it, don’t do it. Its not fair to either of you. And trust me, that is one thing you CANNOT fake. They know if you’re into it or not.

3. It takes practice: You may think there is no wrong way to suck a dick and you are dead ass wrong if you think so. To be a successful cock-sucker, you must practice. Now I’m not telling you to kneel before just anyone, but you can practice on just about anything that is phallis-shaped.

4. Watch porn: Aren’t you tired of hearing me say this? You should be watching porn regularly anyway. Watch porn so you can see how the pro’s do it. I don’t recommend copying exactly what the pro’s do, but you can get some good techniques and tips from them. After all, they do get paid to do just that!

5. Don’t forget the balls!: A lot of women neglect the balls because they get grossed out by them. First, make sure you have your dude clean/shave them properly then give them fuckers a good spit shine. Guys absolutely adore it when you show their balls the love they so desperately need.

6. Mind the teeth: You need to seriously be cognizant of your teeth when his dick is in your mouth. Some guys like a little grazing of the teeth on their dick, but no lie about 90% of guys hate that shit. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get him to orgasm. You are delaying that orgasm if you use your teeth or do anything else that turns him off.

7. Keep it up: I mean his dick of course. Know what his turn offs are and DON’T I repeat don’t do them or guess what you will have to start over with a limp dick.

8. Talk to him: Well obviously not while you are sucking his dick. I mean before. Find out his likes/dislikes, turn on’s/turn off’s and you will save a lot of time on your knees and make him happy. Does he like your hair in a ponytail so he can grab it? Does he prefer to keep his pants on when you do it? Does he want honey drizzled on his dick for you to lick it off? You need to know all these things to be a successful dick-licker.

9. To swallow or not?: This is completely up to you. Don’t offer to do something you’re not comfortable doing. Do not do this for just anyone. However, this is the piece de resistance of dick sucking so if you’re down I guarantee he will love it. If your not fond of the taste, pump him full of pineapple (or another sweet fruit juice) before hand. You can also ask for a cue before he comes, shove it all the way to the back of your throat and you won’t taste a thing!

10. Give it your all: Follow steps 1-9, give it 100% effort, and most of all enjoy it. Slobbing the knob is actual a big turn on for some women and may help you achieve orgasm faster.

So ladies, now that you know how to properly suck a dick, break out the knee-pads, stretch out that jaw and get to slurping!