How to Fuck Like a Porn Star

March 9, 2012 § 2 Comments

You know how they always say “Don’t try this at home” well quite the opposite here, I want you to try this at home! As a matter of fact, I want you to try, fail, succeed, shit whatever, just have fun doing it. You may be thinking well damn, how do I fuck like a porn star? I mean it’s not easy, these ladies and gentleman work their asses off (literally!). I’m here to tell you friend that it’s not as hard (pun completely intended!) as you may think! Don’t believe me, ok lets chat about it and I bet I can convince you. I mean after all I am Bare Kitten, so why wouldn’t you believe me?

1. Throw caution (and your panties) to the wind: In order to fuck like a porn star, you have to think like one. You have to let go of your inhibitions. You can’t expect to get down like the pro’s if you wanna act all prude. I would never advise anyone to step outside their comfort zone, but you have to get out of your own way if you want to have mind-blowing sex. Start by using your words. Let me give you an example. Instead of saying “I would never do that” say instead “that’s interesting, I would like to learn more about it”. I’ve had that attitude towards a lot of things and ended up missing out on some really good shit because I was close minded. Needless to say, after being Bare Kitten for some time, my attitude towards sex has completely changed. I am more open to things and guess what, I fuck better because of it. So let go a little, but no more than you’re comfortable with and your experiences will be much better, I promise you!

2. Look like a porn star: This is for both ladies and gentlemen. Groom yourself the way they do. Dress the way they do (if they’re wearing anything at all!). Act the way they do. Talk the way they do! I’m not telling you to not be yourself, but be a you 2.0. Spiff up your appearance. Get yourself waxed, put on a sexy number, throw on some heels do whatever makes you feel hot. The better you feel about yourself, the better you will perform in bed. Sex is one of the few arenas where it’s ok to be full of yourself. Don’t go overboard, but be confident. It’s sexy!

3. Quit talking shit!: Don’t rev up your man by talking dirty to him all day then when you finally get him in your bed you lay there like a blow up doll. Don’t let your mouth write checks your ass can’t cash. And I mean that in every sense of the word. Don’t say something you’re not comfortable doing and have your card pulled when you’re in bed. You will look like an idiot and a liar. Say sexy things, but keep it real. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Talk dirty all you want, but make sure you can back it up!

4. Watch porn, duh!: How are you going to learn to fuck like a pro if you don’t know what they do? If you’re not comfortable watching porn, close your legs, zip up your fly, go read a fucking book and stop wasting people’s time. I’m not telling you to run to the nearest adult video store and buy everything off the shelf, but start simple. Find some porn that you like and really watch what they do. If there is something you like, see if you can replicate it. You don’t have to watch it with your partner, you can watch it alone and learn since it can be somewhat intimidating to watch porn with your partner. Do what I do, call it “research” and get to learning!

5. Communication is key!: You can’t be as outrageous in bed as a porn star if you and your partner haven’t had “the talk”. You know the one where you tell them what they can and can’t do. I can’t stress how important this is. I’ve actually figured out that I didn’t want to have sex with people after having “the talk”. Also, if you’re kinky like me, pick a safe word. For the record, mine is peanut-butter popcorn :). Make sure that the word is distinctive enough that it can’t be confused with anything else.

6. Pick a fantasy: Sometimes its easier to fuck like a porn star if you actually play similar roles. Personally, I’m a kidnapping fan. My partner and I stage a fake kidnapping and have wild sex (I know, I have issues, shut up!). Of course, yours doesn’t have to be that extreme but its helpful if you have a storyline to follow. It’s also very hot if you are able to stay in character the whole time. Make it as real as possible, but if you are doing any part of it outside of your house, be extra cautious. You don’t want your lover arrested because people think you are really being kidnapped!

7. Get in the zone!: What I mean by this is try spending some time pretending that you are a porn star. You know how actors immerse themselves into the real-life situations that their characters will play so that they can be as realistic as possible, try doing the same thing. No, your ass is not to old to be pretending. Especially when it comes to sex. You know what they say, you think, therefore you are…

8. Capture the moment: Since you read steps 1-7 you should be thinking, acting and looking like a porn star so why not take the final step and actually film your work. Now before you grab the web cam and start streaming your shit live, please read my Amateur Porn for Dummies on how to do this the right way. There is nothing hotter than watching your own porn, trust me. Hell you can even review it like coaches do before a big game to see what you can improve on or do differently next time. If you are a narcissist like yours truly you may even get to the point where you want to share it with others so they can see how you rock people’s worlds!

9. Idiot-proof the setup: Make sure you have stretched, you have protection, you won’t have a delivery man knock on the door or any other unpleasant interruptions or injuries spoil your adventures. You don’t want anyone or anything wrecking your groove while you are doing the performance of yours or your partners lifetime. Tie up your loose ends and make sure you have a peaceful place, your physically able and you have accounted for and prevented anything that can ruin this special time.

10. Fap, fap and fap some more: We all know how much I love masturbation, and I can’t stress how important it is. Picture this scenario. Ladies, you go to the salon, get waxed, buffed, manicured, bleached the whole 9. You put on a smoking hot outfit and greet your man at the door. You push him up against the door and start doing dirty things to him. He throws you on the bed, gives you a few good ones and he’s done. Why did this happen? Because he doesn’t masturbate and he was so excited that he couldn’t hold it and your ass just spent all this time and money getting ready for a bullshit lay. This is the kind of thing you get back-handed for in my house. I encourage masturbation because it enhances stamina for men and makes it easier to achieve orgasm in women. So before you crawl in to bed with them, make sure you have a good go at yourself first!

You should be a believer by now that you too can fuck like a porn star. But please don’t take my word for it, get out there and put my advice to good use!

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§ 2 Responses to How to Fuck Like a Porn Star

  • Mel says:

    You my friend are a fucking LEGEND, u actually sound like my boyfriend (whom is one of my FAV humans on this planet for reasons related to this topic especially) whos opinion AND delivery on this topic are pretty much IDENTICAL to yours, which unfortunately clashes with my lack of confidence in the bedroom. This pretty much hit the nail on the head for me tho, JIZZ ON THIS ARTICLE, AND JIZZ ON UR SEXUALLY INTERLECTUAL-SELF <3333

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